Jackie Brown, Founder/CEO, Shifting Success

Have you ever experienced that moment of dread when your boss walks into your office with “that” look?

That look is followed by, “You got a minute?” or “I need you to step into my office.” The news that followed next might be one of a million different announcements, but the result was the same: your career just took a setback.

Career setbacks are part of our working life – whether it’s as dramatic as a merger, as traumatic as a layoff or as wonky as an unexpected bad review. It doesn’t take too many years into our working life to have a setback as part of our résumé.

They pop up out of nowhere like the boom of thunder on a sunny summer day, with dark clouds and heavy rain bringing a soggy end to a patio party.

So, given how common they are, why do we still find ourselves crumbling under the weight of these unexpected events? And more importantly, how can we stand strong when the next one happens?

Why a setback stings

It’s no secret that we spend most of our waking hours at work and most of our adult years crafting a career. And when we spend so much time doing a thing, we tend to tie our identities to that thing. Society reinforces this connection when we automatically ask, “What do you do?” when we first meet someone or when we use our job titles as a status symbol. Our performance at work and in our careers is the default method for measuring our worth.

So, when something happens to shake up that scenario, it’s not just our job that’s impacted but our identities as well. If our title changes due to a reorganization – especially if the title is now seen as lesser than – it feels like our status changes as well. We’ve lost the power we once had.

We’re embarrassed by a layoff, frustrated when new leadership changes our role, and disheartened when a new business doesn’t take off. Then our confidence is busted, our level of work drops, and our family and friends feel the changes, too.

Join Jackie's Mid-Career Confidence: How to reclaim your power after a shake-up is a certified coach-led small-group program built to provide a safe space and support for those going through a career disruption. REGISTER

What it takes to bounce back

It can take months or even years to recover from a setback, but studies show those who bounce back more quickly, who are defined as resilient, have some common attributes. And the good news? These attributes and skills are something we can learn and practice; in fact, the US Army teaches resilience as part of its training.

Studies have shown that our ability to positively adapt to challenging situations – to be resilient – is centered around several factors:

-       Strong support system

-       Emotional awareness

-       Positive mindset

-       Strong sense of self

These can then be broken down into specific actions and skills we can practice and strengthen.

Strong support system

For this definition, a support system comprises all types of support beyond the family and friends we automatically associate with that term. Think of ‘support’ as any external person or activity you might use to process the situation. Absolutely, our friends and family help us process and move through the situation, but we also think about counselors, pastors, and coaches.

Support also comes from activities. The research is deep and wide for just how powerful movement, meditation and breathwork can be to organize our thoughts, regulate our nervous system, and even ward off depression. Try various methods and continue to use the ones that bring short- and long-term benefits.

-       People-based support: friends, family, counselors, coaches

-       Activity-based support: journaling, breathwork, exercise, meditation, prayer

Emotional awareness

Also known as emotional intelligence, being aware of our emotions and those of others is an excellent skill for managing adversity. Research in this area has grown exponentially, so take advantage of books, articles, workshops and classes if you would like to strengthen your emotional awareness. Here are a few ways to get started:

-       During an emotionally charged situation, take deep breaths before responding. This slows down the conversation and allows the brain to process from a more analytical rather than a fight-or-flight perspective.

-       Make time and space to regularly process emotions, especially after a highly charged situation. Journaling, talking to someone and solitude are some helpful ways to organize our thoughts and feelings.

Positive Mindset

This is not the type of blind optimism that says everything will be OK and then we sweep the situation under the rug. A positive or growth mindset is all about seeing the situation for what it is and then finding ways to move through it. Here are some ways a growth mindset shows itself.

-       Belief in a higher power

-       Cultivating hope

-       Believing we have what it takes to figure it out (which includes using the support systems listed above)

-       Seeing challenges as a way to learn, not as a threat (which removes the victim mentality)

-       Being flexible, open, curious, open-minded and not narrow-minded

Strong sense of self

Resilient people base their worth on their inherent internal aspects rather than on titles, achievements and performance. It’s our character, values and talents that give us our unique value. And when we can couple that with a strong reason to move forward (our ‘why’), we are able to stand strong indeed. These attributes cannot be taken from us. Our titles can be.

To develop a strong sense of self, try these methods:

-       Coaching: a good career, leadership or executive coach guides you to discover and then use your strengths, values and purpose; helping you be your best self

-       Assessments: Go for the ones based on science and research that are more strength-oriented than personality-oriented

-       Find your why: When we work for a cause greater than ourselves and means something to us, our determination and grit are hard to shake. This could be anything from supporting your family to ending childhood hunger, but find your reason, your why, your purpose for this stage of your life.

 

“There’s something about taking the path of least resistance that makes a lot of sense. But at the same time, we have to figure out which things in life are worth struggling for.”

-       Angela Duckworth, psychologist, researcher and best-selling author of “Grit”

 

Standing strong

As you move through your daily work and life, look for ways to drop in these resiliency skills. Many of these can be practiced in nearly every encounter with our colleagues, friends and family. We can take a moment before a meeting to breathe deeply and become aware of how we’re feeling. We can tap out a few quick reflections in our phone’s notes app before we start doom scrolling. These small steps add up to a stronger, more resilient you, so when you face your next setback, you’ll be standing strong and leading the way.