Free yourself from the title trap
Are you in danger of losing yourself to your work?
Jackie Brown, Founder, Shifting Success
With such an emphasis on work in our culture, it’s easy to rely on our titles to define who we are. It can even act as a shorthand of sorts when we introduce ourselves at parties and events. The other person generally knows enough about various industries and titles to get a sense of what type of person it takes to fulfill that role.
We also lean on our titles to feel more confident and credible. If our organization says we’re good enough to be a manager, vice president, or chief fill-in-the-blank officer, then surely we’ve got what it takes – right?
But what happens when these titles are stripped from us through no fault of our own—through a merger, a downturn in the economy, or any number of events outside our control?
Or consider how banks love to toss out vice president titles to those who oversee a branch.
Are they any more important than what credit unions call a branch manager?
Relying on titles for our confidence, credibility, and self-worth is a precarious position indeed. After all, titles are just random groups of words used to help an organization organize (if you’ve ever created a job and job description, you know what I mean). When we give titles prestige and importance, it’s like building a castle on sand: a shifting tide can quickly wash it all away.
We are more than our titles. We are more than our jobs, skills and experience.
It’s time to put our confidence in something we can control. It’s time to emphasize our inherent talents and traits, our service and impact, and our potential and growth. It’s time to get to know ourselves and be strong in our character so we can shine true as we weather whatever challenges we face.
Research shows that the stronger we are in our self-knowledge, the more resilient we become as we face transitions and changes. And as the saying goes, the only constant is change. Let’s do what we can to face these changes with confidence, knowing who we are, what we stand for and what we envision.
So, what does it take to build confidence and resilience based on who we are instead of what we do? How do we free ourselves from the title trap?
Self-knowledge equals freedom
We’re at such an interesting place in history. Anyone can create any type of character, so to speak, online. From becoming an influencer hawking moisturizers to developing an authentic personal brand, more people are becoming increasingly intentional about how they present themselves online.
This same intention can be put toward learning our true selves so we can more thoughtfully express our identity. Instead of creating an online persona that’s as fake as a bloated follower count, let’s lean into exploring our true talents, traits, values and vision.
Here are some tools to help you get to know yourself:
Reflection
Psychologist Robert Kegan has a study illustrating how important it is to step back and reflect on events, emotions and, well, everything else really. Reflecting allows us to challenge ourselves and better understand our past decisions. Through reflection, we’ll learn more about ourselves and make more informed choices in the future. Reflecting can be as simple as taking a few minutes before bed to ask yourself some questions about the day. Questions such as:
What went well?
When did I feel I was at my best today?
Which aspect of my life (family, social, work, hobbies, community) received the most attention?
2. Possible selves
Psychologists Hazel Markus and Paula Nurius conducted research highlighting the importance of using our imagination to envision our future, possible selves. As we consider who we might be and what we might do, our brains expand with possibilities, helping us define what’s important to us now and in the future. Set aside time to lean into all the options you see for yourself. Take five minutes a day for a week to imagine your possible future selves. One morning, think about your personal aspects; the next morning, think about your work aspects; and on the third, think about your social aspects. Then, repeat the cycle for another three days to see what new options come up. Use these questions to help open up the possibilities for each aspect (personal, work, social):
What would your life look like in a perfect future?
How would you spend your time?
Who would be with you?
3. Exploration
Learning by doing is an excellent way to test our preconceived notions of who we are, what we enjoy and what’s important to us. We often inherit values from our childhood influences. By putting ourselves in different situations, trying new things and exploring horizons, we can bump those values and self-beliefs up against real life. Our values and beliefs will get refined, and we’ll also gain confidence in our abilities to handle new situations. Exploring could be:
As small as reading a book about a new-to-you topic
As big as a solo trip to a new location
As inexpensive as a $20 course on an online learning platform
4. Assessments
Personality and vocational assessments are easily accessible and can be very valuable tools. They’re so easy to use that they can start to mask more profound, meaningful insights into our motivations and approaches, so take them with a grain of salt. Stick to assessments that have stood the test of time and are backed by research, then thoughtfully challenge the results. Do they truly reflect who you are and how you behave, make decisions, etc? Need some suggestions? Try these popular assessments:
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator
5. Collaborations
Working with a trusted partner to explore ideas, insights and goals is like using a second mirror to see the back of your head. We’re so close to the subject (ourselves) that it’s hard to really see what’s going on. That trusted partner helps us see our whole selves. While a trusted friend can be helpful, a non-biased partner such as a coach, mentor or counselor often provides more honest, straightforward feedback and assistance. When selecting a collaborative partner, consider asking them:
What methods or frameworks do you use?
What training and experience informs your practice?
What happens in a typical session?
However you go about learning who you are at this stage of your life, doing so will free you from the title trap. You won’t be tied to a title. Your work will be an opportunity to express who you are instead of defining who you are. This freedom will help you weather changes and build confidence and resilience, allowing you to be your true self no matter what title you might have!